I went into action mode as soon as they told me they were coming home.  I found a cardiologist and set up the appointment for Black Friday.  While the rest of America would be out snagging the Christmas deals, we would be at the hospital, trying to figure out what was wrong. All the while I kept replaying in my head, “He has lived longer than his father.  What if he is not here to see me graduate from college?  What if he is not here to walk me down the aisle?  What if his grandchildren never get to experience his personality?  What if he doesn’t even make it home? How can this be happening?”

I had no way of knowing when we brought him in that morning, he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. He was admitted and tests and procedures were begun.  My mother and I walked the halls of St. Johns. Waiting. When she wasn’t there to keep me company, I sang hymns trying to keep fear at bay; trusting in the One who holds me in His hands.



4 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Pingback: Day 19 | teachersummerwrite

  2. There is obviously much more to this story than five minutes will allow. A very real scenario that would definitely bring fear to loved ones with all the “what if’s”. My hope is that God’s peace did rule the situation and your hearts handled with grace all that happened.


  3. For me, too, trusting in God is the only way to get through fear and anxiety. When I have an anxiety attack, I pray through it. All of the assurances from other people, who say that everything is okay and I have no reason to be anxious, don’t help. Only the Lord can give me that peace.

    You’ve reminded me of an Aaron Shust song called “The One.” The chorus says “For the One who holds tomorrow / Holds me in His hand / And I will not fear the future / I’ll trust the Great I Am / Who has been and always will be / Reigning on His throne / For the One who holds me in His hand / Is the One who holds it all.” I play and sing this song a lot!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s